Still very present 11.16.14

Happy Sunday!!

Just a quick post on what I'm feeling at this current moment.  So, if you read my last post, you know that I gave up on my contracting position because it was very stressful and caused my anxiety to be in full swing.  Well, I still needed to submit my invoice (which I'm not even sure I will be paid for because of the way they do things, but at this point, I can't worry about that).  Anyway, I got up this morning with the intent to submit it.  I was fine as I calculated my fee.  I was fine as I filled out the invoice.  I was fine UNTIL I opened the email to attach the invoice, and my anxiety came back full-force....again.  The good news is I'm glad I won't be continuing with this company.  If my anxiety is this high in such a short time and I all did was open an email to send something, I have no business doing business with them.  I'm okay with that.  I am reminded though that if something seems to be too good to be true, it usually is.  The only bad part is that I'm back to square one looking for ways to earn income and I wasted time that could have been spent doing something else.  It's okay though.  I can move on from this.

I do believe its time for me to sell my equipment and books associated with this profession because I do not see things getting much better, which is why I got out of the field full-time over a year ago.  I only held onto it in case I needed to earn some money on short notice, such as this, but once again, things haven't worked out for one reason or another so I'm pretty sure that's a sign that I should give up on it for good.  I had a good run but my time is up.  Even at my age, I have plenty more years to work and I refuse to do it being stressed out, especially not from my home.  I'm not trying to have a stroke or a heart attack dealing with these folks.  No ma'am, they can keep that stress.

Throwing In The Towel 11.13.2014

I don't like to think of myself as a quitter BUT I do know when it's time to move on from something.  Unfortunately, I think that time has already come.  Being an introvert with what I think is really just situational anxiety, being put in situations that make me feel anxious is a bad thing. Sadly, that is how I felt on a daily basis while trying to earn some money with this contracting position.  Basically, my anxiety kicked in every time I sat down at my computer ready to do the work.  I didn't even have to open the program, just sit here and think about getting ready to open it and BAM!  Anxiety attack!  Let's just say, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"  I'm cool, y'all can keep that crazy over there and away from me LOL. I don't do crazy.

I'm actually rather disappointed, not in myself, but more so them.  They painted this beautiful picture of how a contracted worker in my profession is supposed to be treated and I was super excited, thinking I had finally found the right company.  It was going to be great to have the flexibility I needed without all of the restrictions like an employee.  True, there was some flexibility but let the work start to pile up and the nasty emails started, along with basically telling us that we needed to be available at this time or that time.  That wasn't all of it but I won't go into detail because it's really not important.  It is what it is.

Needless to say, I am back to square one but positive that something will come along.  All I know is that it's 43 degrees outside right now and winter hasn't even started so my hope is that I can find something else from home.  I don't mind the cold weather so much as the snow and the black ice on the roads.  That's the part that freaks me out.  The snow is pretty but nobody can drive on black ice, and quite frankly, these folks already drive terribly so I can do without the added dangers of ice patches.

This is day 2 of not dealing with the company and guess what?  No anxiety attacks!  How about that!  I'm sipping on a cup of coffee with butter toffee flavored creamer and just as relaxed as can be.

Have a lovely day.

~Pamela Denise~

Getting back to it 11.4.14

I finally started training with my position from home and though it has been quite stressful, I'm pretty sure I will be okay.  I just have to change my way of thinking.  Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Well, this old dog is ready for some new tricks. Some of them make sense but some of them make cents LOL, so it's all good.  Just gotta get in the swing of things.  I think I'm going to put a hurting on my coffee budget. Oh well.

~Pamela Morrow~